[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER STOPS]
WHAT?
SHIT SUCKER FORGOT TO LEAVE A KEY.
MAYBE HE'S HOME.
NO, HE'S STILL AT WORK. I JUST TALKED TO HIM.
REALLY?
YEAH, HE SAID HE LEFT A KEY UNDER THE MAT.
[POUNDING ON DOOR] CAMPBELL!
- DON'T KICK THE DOOR. - WATCH OUT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH! JESUS! FUCK!
[GRUNTS]
THE TOUCH OF A CHILD MOLESTER, YOU HAVE.
MY GOD.
REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE HANG OUT WITH THIS GUY?
'CAUSE HIS APARTMENT'S THE TITS.
CAMPBELL!
KIND OF A GAY BEDROOM.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE.
[LAUGHS]
OH!
[CHUCKLES]
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?!
[Spooky accent] THIS IS WHERE I HANG THE HEADS
OF ALL THE SNOWMEN I KILL.
[LAUGHS]
PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?
THAT'S A GOOD CAMPBELL IMPRESSION.
- HEY. - THANK YOU.
TILL THE SHIT STAINS OUR SOCKS.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA LET ME FORGET THAT, ARE YOU?
MMM.
[SIGHS] IT'S CLASSIC MORGAN.
[METAL CLATTERS]
WHOO!
OKAY, CAMPBELL. THIS IS NICE.
YEAH. ALL THIS AFTER HIM AND HIS BANKER BUDDIES
SODOMIZED THE ECONOMY INTO SUBMISSION.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. THAT WAS CONSENSUAL, BRO.
- I MEAN, THE MARKET DECIDED. - [LAUGHS]
SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, THIS IS INSANE.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK HE HAD THIS MUCH SCRATCH.
THIS PLACE MUST HAVE COST A FORTUNE.
YEAH, BUT IT PAYS FOR ITSELF
WITH ALL THE PUSSY IT RAKES IN, MAN.
WELL, ASSUMING YOU PAY FOR PUSSY.
EVERYBODY PAYS FOR PUSSY, AND PUSSY'S EXPENSIVE.
VERY TRUE.
[BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO. 3, SCHERZO" PLAYS]
YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO, MAN?
- AHH. - ROUND TWO, BABY.
YOU ARE A MADMAN.
DON'T MISS THE BELL FOR ROUND TWO.
DON'T YOU MISS THAT BELL,
'CAUSE WHEN I'M IN THE CITY, MORGAN,
I LIKE TO LET MY GOOSE LOOSE.
- I LIKE TO LET MY GOOSE LOOSE. - YEAH, I KNOW.
- AND SEE WHERE MY GOOSE FLIES. - I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR GOOSE.
JUST LET IT GO, MAN. JUST LET YOUR LITTLE GOOSE GO!
I'VE SEEN YOUR GOOSE TOO MANY TIMES.
[LAUGHS]
WOW. WHAT IS IT ABOUT A HARD DAY'S WORK
THAT MAKES WHAT YOU DO AFTERWARDS
SO JUST REWARDING, YOU KNOW?
YEAH, YOU KNOW, HOW WAS WORK TODAY, NICK?
WOW. MAYBE I WAS ASKING YOU.
MAYBE I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THAT FELT LIKE, MAN.
YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYONE'S ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY, OKAY?
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, THOUGH.
I DON'T HAVE A JOB, SO I SHOULDN'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS.
I SHOULD IN NO WAY FEEL WORRIED ABOUT IT.
- OH, STOP! - SHIT, SORRY.
STOP WHAT? I'M JUST SAYING THE TRUTH.
YOU HAVE A JOB. I DON'T.
YOU SHOULD FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.
I SHOULDN'T. THAT'S ONLY FAIR.
I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, OKAY?
I'M SORRY, NICK. I HATE MY JOB.
THIS IS NOT REWARDING.
THIS IS... SAD.
[CHUCKLES]
SO, WE'RE BOTH FAILURES?
I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON WE HUNG OUT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR ROSY DISPOSITION.
IT TURNS OUT IT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.
- EXACTLY, WE'RE FAILURES. - MAKES SENSE.
YEAH, WE'RE FAILURES. I'M GONNA SMOKE A JOINT.
NO, NO, NO. COME ON.
LET'S WAIT FOR, UH, CAMPBELL TO GET HERE.
GO FUCK YOURSELF, MAN!
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME FEEL SHITTY ABOUT MY LIFE,
YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME I'M A FAILURE,
AND THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME SMOKE SOME WEED AND FORGET ABOUT IT?
- GO FUCK YOURSELF. - AWW, WHAT A POOR BABY.
[Baby-talking] GO AHEAD, SMOKE YOU WEED.
MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
AND SHOULD I MAKE ENOUGH WEASEL JAM FOR TWO?
[Normal voice] WELL, I'LL SMOKE SOME IF YOU OFFER.
THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.
FAILURES TOGETHER.
- YO. - YO?
I DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF THE PEOPLE IN THESE PICTURES.
MAYBE YOU HAVE FACE BLINDNESS.
FACE BLINDNESS? NO.
T-T-THESE PHOTOS AREN'T OF CAMPBELL
OR ANYBODY IN HIS FAMILY.
[LAUGHS]
CAMPBELL LEAVES IN THE GENERIC PHOTOS HE BUYS WITH THE FRAMES.
IT'S SENSE OF HUMOR, MORG.
I GUESS I DON'T UNDERSTAND COMEDY.
THAT COUPLED WITH THE FACT
THAT HE HAS A REALLY UNSAVORY FAMILY LIFE.
I GUESS SO.
I MEAN, A LOT YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT A GUY'S PAST
JUST FROM THE PICTURES IN HIS ROOM, YOU KNOW?
IT'S JUST WEIRD.
THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS RUN OUT THE PLAY, BUDDY.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
[DOG BARKING]
NICK!
[MUSIC STOPS]
OH, MY GOD!
LISTEN, I THINK WE HAVE THE WRONG APARTMENT.
WE THOUGHT THIS WAS... [DOG GROWLING]
AH! AH! AH! OH, SHE'S CUTE!
WHAT IS SHE, A WESTIE? [GROANS]
["DEMONS" PLAYS]
♪ FORGOT ALL THE SHIT YOU USED TO TALK ABOUT ♪
♪ I CAN'T HEAR YOU ANYMORE ♪
♪ YOU PUT YOUR DEMONS ON THE WALLS OF US ♪
♪ YOU WASTED TIME THAT WASN'T YOURS ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I PUT MY HAND OUT ♪
♪ I'VE TAKEN TIME TO HATE SOME MORE ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO WATCH YOU MAKE YOUR OFFERING ♪
♪ IT'S EVEN HARDER TO IGNORE ♪
- [MUSIC STOPS] - MORGAN?
YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT, RIGHT?
GOOD.
'CAUSE THE HAROLD SHIPMENT JUST CAME IN,
SO GET YOUR ASS OVER TO THE WAREHOUSE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[SIGHS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
["THE BUMP" PLAYS]
SUBTITLES BY EXPLOSIVESKULL
♪ I GOT A LUST FOR LIFE ♪
♪ AND A DANGEROUS MIND ♪
♪ IN MY TRAIL OF DUST ♪
♪ WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU'LL FIND? ♪
♪ WELL, I CAN TAKE A TREE ♪
♪ AND TEAR IT FROM ITS ROOTS ♪
♪ IF YOU SEE ME ♪
- ♪ I SUGGEST YOU MOVE ♪ - [SIGHS]
♪ WE'RE FULL-GROWN MEN ♪
♪ THOUGH WE ACT LIKE KIDS ♪
♪ BUT WE'LL FACE THE MUSIC ♪
♪ NEXT TIME WE ROLL IN ♪
ED, CAN YOU ASK THAT GIRL OVER THERE FOR A CIGARETTE?
WHY?
CIGARETTES ARE COOL.
SO IS THIS BOOK. JUST GET IT YOURSELF.
I'LL GIVE YOU 10 BUCKS.
YOU CAN GET A WHOLE PACK FOR 10 BUCKS.
CONSIDERING YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION,
THAT WOULD NOT BE A SOUND INVESTMENT.
[Chuckling] SOUND INVESTMENT.
CHAPTER FOUR... SOUND INVESTMENTS.
YOU JUST FINISH THAT CHAPTER?
WHAT ABOUT SUPPLY AND DEMAND, YOU CONDESCENDING FUCK?
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO OVER THERE YOURSELF?
WHY CAN'T I GO OVER THERE MYSELF?
BECAUSE THAT'S DANIELLA DELBUSSO OVER THERE.
CAN'T EXACTLY GO ASK HER FOR A CIGARETTE
GIVEN THE TERMS UPON WHICH WE ENDED OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- SO ASK SOMEBODY ELSE. - YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE SMOKING?
CAN'T EXACTLY GO AROUND ASKING STRANGERS FOR CIGARETTES.
I MIGHT AS WELL... MIGHT AS WELL TRY TO SCORE SOME CRACK
- WHILE I'M AT IT. - [SCOFFS]
I'M ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE. SEE, THIS IS WHAT THEY DO.
THEY GET YOU ALL WORKED UP
ABOUT THE STIGMA THAT GOES ALONG WITH BEING A SMOKER,
YOUR NERVES ARE ALL SHOT, AND YOU NEED A BUD EVEN WORSE.
MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A JUNKIE, ED!
I FEEL LIKE A JUNKIE.
[IMITATES SHUDDERING]
THANK YOU.
SO, DID SHE ASK ABOUT ME?
YEAH.
SHE ASKED WHY YOU COULDN'T JUST GO OVER THERE YOURSELF.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT BITCH HAS A LOT OF NERVE.
MY P.O. SAYS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AROUND IMMATURE SITUATIONS.
I'M GOING TO THE CITY. MORGAN'S WAITING. LET'S GO.
NAH, I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE IT TODAY, MAN.
WORKING ON A BASE HERE.
ALL RIGHT. GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
I CAN'T. MY MOM HAS WORK TONIGHT.
OKAY, FUCKING DRIVE ME TO THE TRAIN STATION.
- LET'S GO. - ALL RIGHT, AFTER THIS CHAPTER.
WHAT?
BUY LOW, SELL HIGH. POOR PEOPLE ARE LAZY.
COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!
[LAUGHS]
OOH! WHOO-HOO-HOO!
WOW. THERE IT IS.
[SIGHS] IT'S PERFECT.
SO, ON THE PRICE, IS THAT A HARD NUMBER,
OR IS THERE SOME W-WIGGLE?
UM, DO YOU TAKE DEBIT?
I SOMETIMES THINK YOU'RE SMARTER
JUST LIVING ON THE STREETS,
LIVING OFF WHAT MAN LEAVES BEHIND, YOU KNOW?
NOBODY'S SAYING IT'S YOUR FAULT, MAN.
I MEAN, IT'S HARD TO SAY
WHAT A GUY LIKE ME WOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH
HAD I NOT HAD THE SUPPORT NETWORK I DID.
MORGAN.
HEY, I'M LIKE A THIRD OF THE WAY THERE.
YOU GET ALL THE HOLES PUNCHED, YOU GET ONE FOR FREE.
SANDWICH. GOOD SANDWICHES.
IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, AND WE BECOME ACCUSTOMED
TO HANGING OUT AT THE SAME PLACES, BUT IT'S A BIG BEACH.
- THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING. - RIGHT.
SO, SHE EITHER FOLLOWED ME THERE...
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE DANIELLA.
...OR SHE SAW ME, AND THEN SHE STRATEGICALLY POSITIONED HERSELF
IN FRONT OF US, WHICH, I'M SORRY, THAT'S SAD.
SHITSUCKER FORGOT TO LEAVE A KEY.
[SCOFFS] REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE HANG OUT WITH CAMPBELL.
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T DO THAT.
JUST KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? HEY! OH!
WE'RE IN THE WRONG APARTMENT. WE THOUGHT THIS WAS...
[DOG GROWLING] OH, SHE'S CUTE!
WHAT IS SHE, A WESTIE? [GROANS]
["ME ME ME" PLAYS]
[METAL CLANGS]
♪ YOU KEPT ME OUT OF TROUBLE ♪
♪ AS MUCH AS YOU COULD STAND ♪
♪ WELL, I DON'T BLAME YOU ♪
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] ♪ IF HE LIES IN YOUR BED ♪
♪ AND PUTS LIES IN YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ IF HE INTERRUPTS A FEELING ♪
♪ THAT HE CANNOT COMPREHEND ♪
♪ I GUESS IT'S ME, ME, ME ♪
PLEASE HURRY.
HIS NOSE IS BLEEDING REALLY BAD.
I think he's on coke.
- [SIGHS] - ♪ BUT I COULD NOT SPEAK UP ♪
♪ WELL, I DON'T JUDGE YOU ♪ [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
♪ IF YOU JUST WON'T GIVE UP ♪
- ♪ AND YOU JUST WON'T GIVE IN ♪ - WHOA! AAH!
♪ THEN LET HIM DRINK HIMSELF TO SLEEP ♪
♪ AND WONDER WHERE HE'S BEEN ♪
♪ I GUESS IT'S ME, ME, ME ♪
♪ YES, IT'S ME, ME, ME ♪
♪ GOD, IT'S ME, ME, ME, ME, ME ♪
GO! GO!
SEE YOU IN HELL, SHITSUCKER!
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
MIDWOOD!
CAMPBELL WAS WITH YOU? HE WAS THE OTHER GUY?
WAIT, WHAT OTHER GUY?
THEY SAID THERE WAS ANOTHER GUY.
NO. NO. THAT'S WEIRD. I WAS... I WAS ALONE.
THEN WHAT'S THIS ABOUT CAMPBELL?
WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS HIS APARTMENT.
YOU THOUGHT CAMPBELL WAS LIVING THERE?
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I WAS WAITING FOR HIM.
BUT YOU DIDN'T WAIT, MORGAN.
WELL, I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, MOM!
- OH. - THAT'S FROM YOU.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO THE STARBUCKS OR SOMETHING?
I MEAN, THEY'RE PRETTY CLEAN.
MAYBE YOU GOT TO GET A COFFEE OR COOKIE.
- YEAH. - THEIR WRAPS AREN'T SO BAD.
WELL, IT JUST SORT OF CREPT UP ON ME, DAD.
WELL, THAT HAPPENS.
TO YOU TWO IT HAPPENS, NOT TO ME.
[SIGHS] LOOK, I FEEL DUMB, MOM.
I'M SORRY, OKAY?
CAMPBELL FORGOT TO LEAVE ME A KEY.
I JUST REALLY HAD TO GO SO BAD.
- IT WASN'T HIS APARTMENT. - YEAH, I GOT CONFUSED.
- FROM THE DRUGS. - NO. NO.
I JUST FORGOT, OKAY? THE CITY'S BIG.
WELL, DIDN'T YOU WRITE DOWN THE ADDRESS?
- NO, I DIDN'T. - ALSO FROM YOU.
ARE YOU GETTING MAD AT ME?
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? I DID NOT DO ANYTHING.
LOOK, I REALLY THOUGHT I-I KNEW WHERE IT WAS, OKAY?
I FORGOT. I'M... I'M SORRY. I FEEL STUPID.
NO, STUPID. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WAS STUPID.
WHAT WAS STUPID WAS THREATENING THE MAN WITH A GOLF CLUB.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU? MEN DO NOT USE WEAPONS.
MEN USE THEIR HANDS!
DAD, I WASN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.
- MEN USE THEIR HANDS! - I WASN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING!
OKAY! HE GETS IT! WE ALL GET IT!
[SIGHS]
YOUR FATHER AND I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST
IF YOU MOVED HOME FOR A WHILE.
WHAT?
AT LEAST UNTIL YOU SHOW SOME MOTIVATION,
SOME CONCEPT OF RESPONSIBILITY.
OH, MY GOD. DAD, I WORK REALLY HARD.
NOT FOR THE MONEY I PAY YOU, YOU DON'T.
AND, BY THE WAY, I'M NOT GONNA KEEP SHELLING OUT MORE MONEY
FOR YOUR RENT EVERY MONTH, NOT WITH THIS TRIAL COMING UP.
I MEAN, A TRIAL?!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH A LAWYER COSTS?
NO, YOU'RE GONNA STAY HOME WITH US. THAT'S IT.
YOUR MOTHER AND I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON YOU.
I THINK THERE'S A CURVE TO THE LEFT HERE.
I SEE IT!
I'M JUST SAYING YOU GOT TO WATCH OUT FOR IT,
BECAUSE THEY'RE COMING AROUND THE BLIND SPOT.
THIS IS WHY I DRIVE, BECAUSE I CAN SEE IT!
I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT I CAN'T SEE IT.
I KNOW!
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
[RAILROAD CROSSING DINGING, TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
[SIGHS]
WAKE UP, KARLA.
WAKE UP.
- [SMACKS LIPS] HMM? - HEY, SWEETIE.
- I'M SORRY FOR WAKING YOU. - HEY.
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.
YEAH.
IS EVERYTHING... OH, MY GOD.
WHAT... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?
OH, NO. NOTHING. IT'S OKAY.
THERE WAS THIS ASSHOLE BOX IN THE WAREHOUSE.
[BOTH LAUGH]
IT'S FINE NOW. EVERYTHING'S FINE.
- MORGAN? - WHAT?
AM I NOT CUTE ANYMORE?
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT MAKE ME LOOK TOUGH.
[BOTH LAUGH]
IS MY SYMMETRY OFF?
'CAUSE YOU CAN KNOCK ME IN THE OTHER EYE IF YOU WANT.
NO.
IT'S JUST... [SIGHS]
WHAT?
- I HAVE TO GET UP SO EARLY. - OH.
THIS BIG PRESENTATION TOMORROW, AND MY BED IS SO TINY.
- [LAUGHS] - I UNDERSTAND.
I JUST REALLY NEED A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
I LOVE YOU.
- GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE. - MM-HMM.
[GROANS]
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
Bye.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
- [GROWLS PLAYFULLY] - [SQUEALS]
- OOH! - HAH!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
I JUST FEEL WEIRD ABOUT BEING ON THE BED RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S ALL. HE DIDN'T EVEN TAKE OFF HIS SHOES.
LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT HIM.
[BOTH LAUGH]
HOW'D YOU GET YOUR UNDERWEAR BACK ON THE SAME WAY?
JUST WORRY ABOUT GETTING THEM OFF.
COME ON. [LAUGHS]
CAMPBELL.
[HAND SLAPS]
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH MOANING]
THAT'S WHY CAMPBELL TOLD US THE WRONG APARTMENT,
SO HE COULD SNEAK OFF AND BANG KARLA!
THAT SLICK FUCK.
REAL SLICK.
MAYBE YOU JUST FORGOT WHERE IT WAS.
NAH, NAH, NAH. I'M PRETTY SURE HE TOLD ME 54.
WE WENT TO 45!
BACKWARDS.
YOU SAID YOU HAD BEEN THERE BEFORE.
YEAH, I DID SAY I'D BEEN THERE BEFORE,
AND, YES, I HAD BEEN THERE BEFORE.
BUT, NO, I DON'T RECALL WHAT THE PLACE LOOKED LIKE.
LOOK, WE'RE GETTING DANGEROUSLY OFF TOPIC HERE.
WHAT IS THIS, PRINCESS CUT?
GIVE ME THAT!
[CHUCKLES]
WHERE'S THE TV?
I MEAN, YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN I'D SEE THAT.
WHY DO YOU PRETEND LIKE THESE THINGS AREN'T HAPPENING?
I WASN'T PRETENDING. I WAS LISTENING.
JUST LISTENING ABOUT KARLA.
AND LISTENING TO WHAT CAMPBELL DID TO US, MAN.
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH MY TELEVISION?
BAIL, BUDDY.
BAIL COSTS MONEY.
YEAH, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN BAIL ME OUT.
I TRIED, THOUGH!
I WENT ALL THE WAY IN THERE AND EVERYTHING, MAN!
I HAD TO BORROW ED'S MOM'S CAR. SHE CALLED IN SICK.
NO. NO. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.
THAT WASN'T SMART, NICK. THAT WAS RECKLESS.
WITH YOUR RECORD...
I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, MORGAN.
EH, YOU KNOW THAT.
AND I APPRECIATE IT, MAN. I REALLY DO, BUT...
IF THAT FAMILY HAD SEEN YOU...
THAT'S THE THING.
THAT MOTHERFUCKER WAS IN THERE, TOO.
STILL HAD THE PINSTRIPES ON AND EVERYTHING, THANK GOD,
OR ELSE I PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE RECOGNIZED HIM.
HOLY CRAP.
I KNOW... HE LOOKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYES, TOO.
FOR A SPLIT SECOND, EYE CONTACT.
- HOW MUCH DID YOU GET FOR IT? - FOR WHAT?
THE TV.
- CAN WE... CAN WE BUY IT BACK? - NO, NO, NO, NO.
UNFORTUNATELY, I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE OTHER ISSUE
THAT AROSE FROM TODAY'S CONFUSION,
WHICH, I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR, WAS CAMPBELL'S FAULT.
WHAT OTHER ISSUE?
$400 WORTH OF WEASEL JAM.
[CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE
TO SUCK THAT ONE UP
CONSIDERING I WAS THE ONE SITTING IN JAIL FOR IT.
I'D HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO, MORG.
BUT THE FACT REMAINS IT WASN'T MY WEED,
AND DITTO'S NOT ONE TO BE KEPT WAITING.
- DITTO? - ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING
THE INTEREST I'VE ACCRUED THROUGH THE YEARS.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHO'S DITTO?
- YOU KNOW DITTO. - NO, I DON'T KNOW DITTO.
AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW WHO DITTO IS?
BECAUSE I JUST SAID, "WHO'S DITTO?"
DITTO, ALONG WITH BEING MY CHIEF MARIJUANA SUPPLIER,
ALSO GOT KICKED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL
FOR STABBING MRS. NICHOLS WITH A PROTRACTOR.
AND I CAN'T REALLY SPEAK ABOUT MRS. NICHOLS' SOCIAL HABITS,
BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING SHE WAS IN TO DITTO
- FOR MORE THAN I AM. - HOW MUCH?
WELL, LIKE I SAID, INCLUDING INTEREST...
- WILL YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME?! - THE TV ALMOST COVERED IT.
[SIGHS]
DID YOU EVEN TRY TO BAIL ME OUT?
I MEAN, DID YOU... DID YOU EVEN COME?
WOW!
REALLY?
WOW! I'M NOT EVEN GONNA ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
THAT'S SICK. WOW! WOW!
[CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, MORGAN,
I THINK YOU MIGHT BE LETTING THE FRUSTRATIONS OF THE DAY,
HOWEVER WARRANTED, BE A LITTLE BIT MISDIRECTED.
CAMPBELL IS FUCKING KARLA.
I HATE TO PUT IT IN THOSE TERMS, BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.
SO, I THINK WE KNOW WHO CAN AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED HERE.
[BED SQUEAKS]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
I DID SOME THINKING LAST NIGHT.
NICK.
NO, I DID SOME THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID,
ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE SUCKS.
I WAS REALLY UPSET.
AND THIS DOESN'T CATCH ME OFF GUARD, MAN.
I KNOW YOU.
I KNOW WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING YOU DOWN.
OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANY MORE.
AND I KNOW WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN, I START FEELING DOWN.
SO, YOU'RE DOWN, I'M DOWN, EVERYONE'S DOWN.
BUT FEELING DOWN ISN'T HELPING ANY OF THESE PROBLEMS.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHO'S AT FAULT HERE,
BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK...
I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU MIGHT THINK I'M PARTLY RESPONSIBLE
FOR WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
OKAY. RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?
MY MOM'S AWAY, AND MY LITTLE SISTER'S HAVING A POOL PARTY.
I THINK YOU SHOULD COME BY AFTER WORK.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?
WE NEED ONE OF THOSE MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS RIGHT HERE.
I THINK THAT COULD REALLY TURN THINGS AROUND, MORGAN.
[SIGHS]
TOO BOUNCY?
WE DON'T MAKE THEM IN VARYING DEGREES OF BOUNCINESS, SIR,
SO I THINK MAYBE...
I'M SORRY?
I-I JUST DON'T... [Chuckling] NO OFFENSE, SIR,
BUT I DON'T THINK A MAN YOUR AGE SHOULD BE JUMPING ON THE BED.
I KNOW IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS, SIR,
BUT, UH... BUT BOTTOM LINE IS,
WE CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE
FOR INJURIES YOU INCUR WHILE JUMPING ON THE BED.
BECAUSE IT'S A BED.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LYING DOWN ON IT.
OKAY. EH... OH!
HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE COMPANY THAT SOLD YOU THE CEILING FAN?
BECAUSE MAYBE, MAYBE, MAYBE IF IT WASN'T SPINNING SO FAST,
YOU WOULDN'T NEED ALL THOSE GODDAMN STITCHES!
[MUMBLING]
- HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME? - PROBABLY.
- HEY, MORGAN. - SHUT THE FUCK UP.
EXCUSE ME. DO YOU... MORGAN?
IT'S ME. IT'S DAVE.
WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?
DAVE.
[Chuckling] DAVE.
NOTHING MUCH, MAN. JUST WORKING AWAY.
HERE?
THEY LET YOU SMOKE IN HERE?
NOPE.
MORGAN.
- COURTNEY? - [CHUCKLES] YEAH.
OH, MY GOD. HAVE YOU SEEN DAVE?
YEAH, WE'RE HERE TOGETHER.
WHY?
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
MARRIED?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN DATING?
UH, SIX MONTHS, BUT FELT LIKE THE RIGHT TIME, YOU KNOW?
[CHUCKLES] SIX MONTHS.
YEP. HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND KARLA...
NINE YEARS. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK, DAVE?
OH, REAL ESTATE. [SIGHS]
HEY, ARE YOU STILL WRITING?
'CAUSE MY MOM SAID THAT YOUR MOM SAID THAT YOU APPLIED
TO SOME GRAD SCHOOL IN IOWA?
SIX MONTHS. JESUS.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE, MORGAN?
OH, HIGH LIE ACCIDENT. YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH THE...
HEY, DO YOU HAVE A CARD?
'CAUSE I GOT A TON OF CLIENTS WHO HAVE SQUARE FOOTAGE TO FILL.
I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY...
DID YOU GUYS EVEN TALK IN HIGH SCHOOL?
HOW IS KARLA?
I MEAN, DID YOU GUYS EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER?
- [LAUGHS] - DO YOU HAVE A CARD?
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CARD.
FUCKING ASSHOLE.
[SPITS]
HEY, CAREFUL.
THREE WORDS... SOCIAL NET-WORKING.
FACE FRIENDS, TWEETER, HALO, WHATEVER IT IS... RING A BELL?
IT'S THE SOUND OF THE FUTURE.
I MEAN, WE ARE IN THE SHIT, ECONOMICALLY.
YOU KNOW, HOUSTON, WE GOT A PROBLEM.
BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.
YOU KNOW, YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME.
GUESS WHAT. WE ARE LOSING SOME.
AND THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS MUCK
IS FRESH, FAST FORWARD THINKING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I STARTED AS A YOUNG MAN,
IT WAS ALL ABOUT HAVING SOMETHING TO SELL.
I STARTED OUT AS A WAITER IN THE CITY... DINERS, COFFEE SHOPS...
AND I SAVED ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY THIS STORE,
AND MY FAMILY HASN'T WANTED FOR A SINGLE THING
NOT ONE DAY SINCE.
I'M VERY PROUD OF THAT.
I MEAN, TO PROVIDE FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THE MOST
BY SELLING THINGS THAT FILL PEOPLE'S BELLIES
OR MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE OR WHATEVER IT IS,
A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS TO GIVE TO PEOPLE
IN AN OTHERWISE VERY SAD WORLD, BUT TIMES HAVE CHANGED.
AND NOW IT'S ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS ON A COMPUTER.
[CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW, GETTING PEOPLE TO FOLLOW YOU.
IT'S BACK TO THE PLAYGROUND, REALLY, FOR GOOD OR FOR ILL.
I MEAN, BUSINESS IS LIKE AN OCEAN, AND WE'RE A SAILBOAT.
AND THERE'S AN IDLE WIND, AND WE'RE JUST SITTING THERE.
AND IF YOU STAY PUT, YOU SINK.
LOOK, UH, COME ON.
SOMEBODY COME ON UP HERE AND... AND GET THIS BALL ROLLING.
WILL YA?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
ANYONE?
[SNIFFS]
[SMACKS LIPS, SIGHS]
NOW YOU'RE STARTING TO GET IT.
[SIGHS]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
SOME COCKSUCKER'S BANGING MY GIRLFRIEND.
["SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT" PLAYS]
♪ JOHNNY'S GOT A BOTTLE OF WINE ♪
I WONDER WHERE MY MOM GETS OFF
BUYING MY SISTER A NICE CAR LIKE THIS.
MIMI'S GOING TO COLLEGE.
EXACTLY!
ANOTHER EXPENSE ALL ON ITS OWN.
TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT? NO.
ANYWAY, YOU GOT SEE THIS BABY IN THE BLACK BATHER.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE BLACK BATHERS.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SUCKER FOR 'EM.
BUT SHE JUST TAKES THE CAKES.
SERIOUSLY, EVEN IN A CLOWN SUIT,
THIS GIRL WOULD BE GIVING ME BLOOD FLOW.
[LAUGHS]
LOOK AT THESE SLAPDICKS.
WHAT'S UP, BOYS?
OH, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
- STOP! STOP! STOP! - NO, DUDE! COME ON!
- STOP! STOP THE FUCKING CAR! - THEY'RE LIKE 10 YEARS OLD, BRO!
YEAH, GOOD. FUCKING DIE LIKE THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
- [SCOFFS] - WHEW.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA PROTECT HIM?
NO, HE'S [SCOFFS] HE'S ON PAROLE.
DOES ONE MORE THING WRONG, HE GOES TO FEDERAL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE KIDS SNORTED ACNE MEDICINE.
THEY THOUGHT IT WAS RITALIN.
WELL, I HOPE HE APPRECIATES IT.
HE DOES.
AND KARLA?
AND KARLA.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, MAN.
I'M TRYING TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.
NO, I MEANT THAT, LIKE, RHETORICALLY.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO.
OH, RIGHT, YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST FEEL LIKE MY SOUL IS GONE
BUT, LIKE, IN A REALLY TANGIBLE WAY, YOU KNOW?
LIKE...
LIKE I LOST MY WALLET.
OR A SET OF KEYS?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I TIRED TO SELL MY SOUL ONCE.
REALLY?
YEAH, I LITERALLY PRAYED TO THE DEVIL
FOR ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD.
- YOU DID? - YEAH.
[CHUCKLES] DID IT WORK?
[SCOFFS] NO.
[BOTH LAUGH]
- WHOO-HOO! WHOO-HOO! OHH! - WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
[LAUGHS] PULL UP TO THIS KID'S DOOR!
PULL UP TO THE MAILBOX.
I GOT HIM RIGHT WHERE I WANT HIM, BABY!
RIGHT WHERE I WANT HIM. HOLD ON.
SLOW DOWN JUST A FUCKING LITTLE BIT HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - COME HERE.
NO.
DUDE! YOU BROKE MIMI'S MIRROR.
- [LAUGHS] - YOU BROKE HER HANDLE!
WHO'S THE LOSER NOW, YOU LITTLE SHITSUCKERS?
I FUCKING BROKE THEIR MAILBOX
WITH THEIR OWN GODDAMN SKATEBOARD, DUDE!
OKAY, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT WAS THEIR MAILBOX?
[SIGHS]
IT PROBABLY WASN'T, HUH?
- NO. - NO.
I THINK IT WAS JUST A RANDOM MAILBOX THAT YOU HIT.
- YEAH. FUCK. - ♪ ALL MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ HONEY, I AIN'T KIDDING ♪
♪ NO, I WON'T BE AROUND ♪
♪ ME AND MY FRIENDS WILL BE HIGH ♪
♪ FLYING O'ER THE GROUND ♪
SO, BASICALLY...
HEY, ANNE FRANK.
CAN YOU PUT YOUR DIARY AWAY WHILE I TELL YOU MY GENIUS IDEA?
SO, BASICALLY, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF GETTING THE PATENT.
YOU KNOW HOW TO GET ONE?
NO, I'M NOT EXACTLY VERSED IN THE BUSINESS ASPECT OF IT.
BUT CREATIVELY, WE'RE ALL SET, MAN. IT'S A SURE THING.
AND HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THIS BRILLIANT IDEA?
AS MOST SEMINAL IDEAS ARE SPAWNED... OUT OF NECESSITY.
YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED A PILLOW AT THE BEACH?
NECESSITY, CONVENIENCE, LUXURY...
THESE ARE THE FUELS THAT DRIVE THE INVENTOR'S MIND.
ANYWAY, I'M LYING THERE, AND I THINK,
"I COULD REALLY USE A LITTLE BIT MORE SUPPORT FOR MY HEAD, YOU KNOW?"
AND WHAT DOES ONE USUALLY DO WHEN THEY'RE AT THE BEACH?
IT'S NOT RHETORICAL, GUYS.
I REALLY WANT YOU TO PARTICIPATE.
OH, SO YOU PILE UP SOME SAND UNDER.
RESOURCEFUL. GOOD. NOT VERY COMFORTABLE.
MORGAN?
UM, ROLL UP YOUR TOWEL?
EXACTLY. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO,
AND EXACTLY WHAT I DECIDED TO DO ON THAT FATEFUL DAY,
- WHICH GOT ME THINKING. - TWO TOWELS.
ED, THE AUDIENCE-PARTICIPATION SEGMENT IS OVER.
ALSO, ENTIRELY INCORRECT.
I STARTED THINKING ABOUT PILLOWS.
AND WHY DON'T PEOPLE BRING PILLOWS TO THE BEACH? MORGAN?
WAIT A MINUTE. I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THE AUDIENCE-PARTICIPATION SEGMENT WAS...
ED, STOP BEING A CHILD. MORGAN?
BECAUSE NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
SAND!
DOMESTIC PILLOWS DO NOT PROTECT
AGAINST THE INFILTRATION OF SAND!
RIGHT? BUT WHAT, MY FRIENDS,
IS SPECIFICALLY MADE, DESIGNED TO HANDLE SAND?
YOU TALKING ABOUT THOSE LITTLE SHOVELS WITH THE PAIL?
ED, YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKER
I'VE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
WHAT COULD GO AROUND THE PILLOW SO AS TO PROTECT IT?
TOWELS!
BEACH TOWELS!
RIGHT? YOU TAKE A REGULAR FUCKING PILLOW,
BUT YOU COVER IT... INSTEAD OF WITH A PILLOWCASE,
YOU COVER IT WITH A BEACH TOWEL!
BING!
- TERRY CLOTH. - WHAT?
A PILLOWCASE MADE OUT OF TERRY CLOTH?
NO, I'M SAYING INSTEAD OF A PILLOWCASE,
YOU COVER IT WITH A BEACH TOWEL.
TERRY CLOTH IS WHAT BEACH TOWELS ARE MADE OF.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT TERRY CLOTH IS!
THESE ARE BEACH PILLOWS, AND THEY'RE MADE OUT OF FUCKING BEACH TOWELS.
NOW, UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET KICKED OUT ON THE GROUND FLOOR OF THIS THING,
YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING STOP TALKING ABOUT TERRY CLOTH.
I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT TERRY CLOTH IS.
ED, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY TERRY CLOTH ONE MORE TIME,
I'M GONNA DROWN YOU IN MY MOTHER'S POOL.
- FINE. - ONE MORE TIME. JUST SAY IT.
FINE, A BEACH TOWEL.
WHAT IF IT GETS WET, THOUGH?
WELL, LIKE MOST PILLOWCASES, IT'S REMOVABLE.
HEY, MORGAN, BABY, BE A SWEETHEART.
GRAB ME ANOTHER SANGRIA.
SANGRIA! TIME TO BRING ME A SANGRIA!
SO, WHAT, DOES IT HAVE A ZIPPER?
REALLY? REALLY?
YOU THINK SAND WORKS WELL WITH FUCKING ZIPPERS?
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
[SCOFFS]
[SIGHS]
["MAINE" PLAYS]
[SIGHS]
♪ AHH, AHH, AHH ♪
♪ MY PRIDE IS COMING ALONG ♪
♪ IT KEEPS ON FOLLOWING ME HOME ♪
♪ IT'S GONNA GET TO ME SOON ♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
♪ IT'S COMING ♪
♪ I'M GOING HOME AGAIN ♪
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING.
WE ALREADY ATE, AND I-I DIDN'T KNOW.
IT'S FINE. I CAME TO SEE YOU GUYS.
WELL, WE JUST HAD DINNER, AND YOU DIDN'T CALL. I'M SORRY, BUT...
THAT'S OKAY. I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.
I'LL HEAT SOMETHING UP, BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO TASTE THE SAME.
OKAY.
♪ I'M COMING HOME AGAIN ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
WE MEET WITH A LAWYER TOMORROW.
OH, YEAH?
- WHERE'D YOU FIND HIM? - IT'S LARRY FUMUSO.
- CHRIS FUMUSO'S DAD? - [SIGHS]
OH, COME ON, MOM. HE COACHED ME IN SOCCER.
WE NEVER NEEDED A LAWYER BEFORE.
HE GOT AN OFFICE SET FROM YOUR FATHER.
IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE.
DID YOU ASK HER?
NOT YET.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
UM, IT JUST... IT HASN'T BEEN THE RIGHT TIME.
WELL, YOU BETTER HURRY UP BEFORE SHE FINDS SOMEONE WHO THINKS IT IS.
LET ME SEE IT.
IT'S AT MY PLACE, MY OLD PLACE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOURS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHERE IS IT?
I LOST IT AT JONES BEACH WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.
PRAYED TO SAINT ANTHONY, BUT I GUESS HE CAN'T SWIM.
[BOTH LAUGH]
HOW DID I NEVER... WHY DIDN'T YOU GET A NEW ONE?
COULDN'T AFFORD IT AT THE TIME, AND THEN WHEN WE COULD...
I DON'T NEED A RING TO KNOW YOUR FATHER LOVES ME.
SPEAKING OF, HE'LL TAKE YOU BACK.
JUST A LITTLE HOT AT THE MOMENT.
I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO GO BACK.
YOUR FATHER CAN'T WORK FOREVER, MORGAN.
THE STORE COULD BE YOURS WITHIN 15, 20 YEARS.
15 TO 20?
WOW.
YEAH, THAT'S... JUST NOT FOR ME.
I KNOW HE'S UPSET NOW, BUT TRUST ME.
IT'S FOR YOU.
SOMETHING GOING AROUND?
DIRT.
[SNIFFS]
WHY ARE ALL THE, UH, PLAQUES AND STUFF ON MY BED?
OH, WE HAD TO TAKE THEM DOWN WHEN WE GOT THE HOUSE RESIDED.
OKAY.
BECAUSE OF ALL THE BANGING.
GOT IT.
NO REASON TO PUT THEM BACK UP.
- I'M GONNA GO. - OH, WHAT'S THE RUSH?
THANK YOU, MOM.
JUST GOT A LOT OF STUFF I GOT TO WORK ON WITH NICK.
[DOOR SLAMS]
I'M READY.
FOR SOME FOOTBALL?
WHAT? NO, NOT FOOTBALL.
I'M READY FOR SOME [GULPS] I'M READY TO LET MY GOOSE LOOSE.
OH, YEAH.
HAVING THE SAME GIRL FOR NINE YEARS?
- YEAH, THE SAME PUSSY. - THE SAME PUSSY.
- ONE PUSSY. - ONE PUSSY, NINE YEARS.
- FOREVER. - FOREVER, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- FOREVER. I AM RIGHT. - I MEAN, ONE PUSSY FOREVER?
- THAT'S NOT ALL UPSIDE. - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THAT'S CONSIDERED CAPITAL PUNISHMENT IN SOME CULTURES.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE THAT'S WHAT A PUSSY'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE.
I'M SURE IT ISN'T. LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
WAS IT AN UNDERNEATH OR AN UP-FRONT SITUATION?
- UNDERNEATH OR UP FRONT? - IT WASN'T AN OUTIE, WAS IT?
- I DON'T... - WAS IT AN OUTIE?
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS STUFF? - I'M A CUNT-OISSEUR, MAN.
LOOK, LET'S NOT GET INTO SPECIFICS.
TONIGHT'S YOUR NIGHT,
AND YOU SAY YOU'RE READY, AND, BROTHER, YOU BETTER BE.
I'M FUCKING READY.
HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON OVER HERE?
♪ THE... ♪
♪ ONE... ♪
♪ WITH... ♪
♪ THE... ♪
WAGGLY...
FUCK THAT SHIT. DRINK.
- WHAT? - WHAT? I SAID IT.
WHEN YOU SHOULD BE SINGING IT, AND WITH THE PROPER INFLECTION.
I'M NOT GONNA COMPROMISE THE INTEGRITY OF THE GAME.
[SIGHS] THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER.
YEAH, ALL GOOD THINGS, ED. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MORGAN?
ABSOLUTELY.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. NOW, ARE YOU READY?
JUST START THE FUCKING SONG!
- ARE YOU READY, BETTY? - KATIE.
- ♪ HOW... ♪ - ♪ MUCH... ♪
- ♪ IS... ♪ - ♪ THAT... ♪
THAT'S AMAZING THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
I THINK THAT'S...
I THINK THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD.
AND ANIMALS?
GOD, WHAT COULD BE MORE REWARDING THAN THAT?
PEOPLE, MAYBE, BUT THEY'RE NOT NEARLY AS CUTE.
- NOT MOST. - TWO WORDS.
- ARF! - ARF!
I WANT TO WRITE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WRITE ABOUT?
THAT'S THE THING. I HAVEN'T FOUGHT IN A WAR.
I HAVEN'T TROTTED THE GLOBE.
I'D LOVE TO TRAVEL.
- ♪ WAGGLY... ♪ - ♪ TAIL ♪ ME, TOO.
AND PAUSE.
I MEAN, I'M WORKING ON ALCOHOLISM.
I'M MAKING SOME PRETTY SIGNIFICANT STRIDES.
YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.
YEAH, BUT, LIKE, ME AND EVERY OTHER UNEMPLOYED ASSHOLE.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR COLLEGE. ♪ DOGGY... ♪
♪ IN... ♪ IT'S, LIKE, THE BEST.
YOU KNOW, ABOUT COLLEGE. I JUST...
MY ENVIRONMENT'S NOT PARTICULARLY INTERESTING.
- ♪ I... ♪ - ♪ DO... ♪
THOUGH IT HAS BEEN PRETTY ENTERTAINING LATELY.
YOU KNOW? MAYBE... MAYBE IT ALWAYS WAS.
YEAH, IT COULD BE FUN.
MAYBE I JUST GOT TO, LIKE,
GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY ASS, YOU KNOW?
STOP LOOKING IN AND START LOOKING UP.
- SALE. - IT HAPPENED!
OH, IT HAPPENED.
IT HAPPENED, AND IT FEELS SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER
THAN I EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED.
- CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS. - OH, I TELL YOU.
IT'S LIKE BEING BORN.
- ISN'T IT LIKE BEING BORN? - I DON'T REMEMBER.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU THINK THAT DOGGY,
THAT MAGNIFICENT BEAST, ISN'T FOR SALE!
I IMAGINE IT IS, NICK.
YOU'RE FUCKING-A RIGHT, IT IS!
BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S FUCKING TALKING ABOUT.
GET MY WALLET! I GOT TO FUCKING BUY IT!
COLLEGE BOUND.
YOU MUST BE EXCITED, A WHOLE NEW WORLD AHEAD OF YOU.
YEAH. I GUESS I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
IT'LL BE GREAT TO GET AWAY FROM MY PARENTS, THOUGH.
I'M NOTICING MORE AND MORE OF THAT ATTITUDE.
I THINK IT MIGHT JUST BE
A MATTER OF COMMUNICATION, YOU KNOW?
YOU GOT TO BREAK DOWN THE WALLS.
I MEAN, PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT TASTES IN MUSIC,
DIFFERENT IDEAS OF HOW YOU SHOULD DRESS.
WHICH IS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS, BECAUSE THIS IS JUST LOVELY.
YOU LIKE IT?
VERY MUCH.
SO, I'M, UH... I'M A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN YOU.
YOU DON'T REALLY SEEM IT.
I GET KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T LOOK THAT WAY.
OH, I SHAVED YESTERDAY.
ME TOO.
THAT'S FINE. NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.
MY AUNT HAS A GLANDULAR PROBLEM, BUT THAT'S JUST...
THAT'S FINE.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
["DOESN'T MATTER" PLAYS]
[SIGHS]
♪ IT'S AFTER NOON WHEN I WAKE UP ♪
♪ I NEVER USED TO SLEEP THIS MUCH ♪
♪ THE WINTER'S GONE, AND SO ARE YOU ♪
♪ WAITING AROUND IS ALL I HAVE TO DO ♪
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ THE LIGHTS ARE ON WHEN I WAKE UP ♪
♪ I NEVER USED TO THINK THIS MUCH ♪
♪ I'M FEELING BORED, I'M NOT CONCERNED ♪
♪ THINGS WILL BE FINE, OR THEY'LL GET WORSE ♪
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
HEY, BUDDY.
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
BUDDY, YOU'RE UP EARLY, HUH?
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
NICK?
SHIT.
NICK!
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
HEY! HEY! HEY!
NICK! NICK!
NICK. HEY.
HEY, THERE. [CHUCKLES]
- ALL RIGHT? - HEY, YOU.
- HOW YOU DOING? - I'M GOOD.
YEAH? DID YOU SLEEP OUT HERE?
I'M OUTSIDE, AREN'T I?
MM-HMM.
SHIT, MORGAN.
YEAH?
I THINK I PISSED MYSELF.
[LAUGHS] NO. NO, YOU DIDN'T.
DUDE, MY PANTS ARE ALL SOAKED.
- [LAUGHS] - [GASPS]
YOU OKAY?
AAH!
[COUGHING]
SO, HOW'D IT GO LAST NIGHT?
HOW'D WHAT GO?
WHAT? THE SWEETIE IN THE BLACK BATHING SUIT.
[SIGHS]
SHE WAS GONE WHEN I WOKE UP.
OKAY. SO, HOW'D IT GO?
[SIGHS]
OKAY.
OKAY-DOKAY OR OKAY-NOKAY?
OKAY-OKAY.
YOU SPEAK IN RIDDLES, MY FRIEND.
WELL, OKAY-OKAY'S STILL PRETTY FUCKING OKAY WITH THAT DISH.
SO, WHY DON'T YOU SEEM OKAY?
HMM?
[SIGHS]
IT'S KARLA, YOU KNOW?
NO.
FORTUNATELY, I DON'T.
GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT FUN TO THINK ABOUT?
NOPE. PLEASE DON'T TELL ME.
YOU WILL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT.
AND WHAT'S THAT, EXACTLY?
SEE? THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.
YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS IT.
AND IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING ELSE, SHE'D STILL BE IT,
BUT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS IT,
NOTHING ELSE COULD BE IT.
WOW. YOU... YOU MAKE "IT" SOUND SO SIMPLE.
NO. MAN, IT'S TOUGH. IT FUCKING SUCKS SOMETIMES.
BUT WHEN IT'S COOL, YOU'LL KNOW IT'S COOL.
AND WITH KARLA, IT OBVIOUSLY WASN'T.
IT USED TO BE.
YEAH, WELL, MY PARENTS USED TO BE MARRIED.
SHIT HAPPENS.
"GRADUALLY AND THEN SUDDENLY."
I'M SORRY?
"THE SUN ALSO RISES"?
OH, I SAW THAT. NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE.
GYLLENHAAL. [LAUGHS]
HEMINGWAY.
YEAH.
THAT IS SO PRETENTIOUS.
I'M JUST QUOTING NOVELS, NON SEQUITUR.
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOT PRETENTIOUS, AS HEMINGWAY IS TOO FAMOUS.
IT'S PATHETIC.
DON'T DO THAT, MAN.
DON'T... DON'T GET DOWN ON YOURSELF FOR BEING SMART.
HEY, I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU.
[LAUGHS]
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU BECOMING A WRITER?
WHO'S GONNA IMMORTALIZE ME, HUH?
THERE WAS JUST NOTHING WHEN I GRADUATED, YOU KNOW?
BAD TIMING.
I DIDN'T GET INTO THAT IOWA PROGRAM.
HONESTLY, I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT...
UNTIL RECENTLY.
SO, LIKE, STUFF'S HAPPENING, HUH?
CAN'T SEEM TO STOP IT FROM.
CAN I READ IT?
IT'S NOT FINISHED.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST DO THE FINANCE THING,
LIVE IN THE CITY.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.
WELL, IT'S CLEARLY NOT WHAT YOU WANT, BROTHER.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA MAKE ME HAPPY?
- I MEAN, LOOK AT CAMPBELL. - NO, FUCK CAMPBELL.
I'M NOT GONNA LOOK AT CAMPBELL. FUCK HIM.
ALL CAMPBELL DOES IS THINK ABOUT TRADING.
FUCKING READS BOOKS ABOUT TRADING.
FUCKS HIS GIRLFRIEND THINKING ABOUT TRADING.
FUCKS OTHER PEOPLE'S GIRLFRIENDS
THINKING ABOUT TRADING HIS GIRLFRIEND.
WHAT'S HE DOING? NOTHING.
HE'S MOVING MONEY FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER.
WHAT'S THAT DO? WHO'S THAT AFFECT?
- WHO ARE WE AFFECTING? - WHO ARE WE AFFECTING?
WELL, RIGHT NOW, MORGAN, YOU'RE REALLY BUMMING ME OUT.
I'M TRYING TO GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT.
AND IF YOU HAD BEEN PAYING ATTENTION YESTERDAY IN THE POOL,
I'M ON THE VERGE OF AFFECTING THE ENTIRE COMFORT LEVEL
OF THE BEACH-GOING COMMUNITY AS WE KNOW IT!
AND I THINK ED'S UPSTAIRS BANGING MY SISTER.
HOW'S THAT RUBBING YOU?
EH.
ED'S A GOOD KID.
BESIDES, HIS COCK'S SO SMALL,
HE'S PROBABLY HARDLY MAKING A DENT.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID THAT TO ME, YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
SHE DIDN'T DO IT TO YOU, MAN.
SHE DID IT TO THE HALF A MAN YOU BECAME
BY LETTING HER FILL UP ALL YOUR FAULTS, FAILURES,
AND FORGOTTEN DREAMS WITH HER PRESENCE,
WHICH IS HALF A MAN LESS THAN SHE DESERVED.
HEY, SHE'S STILL A TWO-TIMING SLUT, MY FRIEND.
DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY THAT.
OH, DID SHE LIE?
- I MEAN IT. - WAS SHE PROMISCUOUS?
HEY, I'M JUST SAYING. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MAN? - LAWYER.
THIS IS MADNESS. WHO YOU GOT?
CHRIS FUMUSO'S DAD.
I THOUGHT HE COACHED SOCCER.
AHH.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
- MIMI, MIMI, MIMI. - HEY. YOU'RE PULLING MY HAIR!
AS YOUR BIG BROTHER, CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
- YOU CAN DO BETTER. - [LAUGHS]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, DON'T FUCK ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.
SEND IT!
I THINK WE'RE WONDERING THE SAFEST APPROACH.
- SHOULD WE BARGAIN? - BARGAIN? SURE.
I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO BARGAIN.
DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO JAIL? IS LIFE EASIER THERE FOR YOU?
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.
- KICK IT! - THANK YOU, LARRY.
OH, THERE'S NO NEED TO THANK ME, RITA.
IT'S MY JOB... THE LAW.
COME ON, KICK IT, EVAN! SEND IT!
OKAY, SO, UM, YOU... YOU HEAR THEM COME IN.
YOU START PANICKING. YOU'RE WORRIED. YOU...
- WELL... - NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT TRYING TO UNDERSTAND MOTIVE HERE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO ANALYZE THE FACTS.
- THERE WERE DRUGS INVOLVED. - YES, I-I READ THAT.
SEND IT! SEND IT!
YOU KNOW, I THINK, REALLY, HONESTLY,
THE BEST BET HERE IS THE INSANITY DEFENSE.
- JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH. - SERIOUSLY? INSANITY DEFENSE?
HEY, HEY, HEY. LISTEN TO THE MAN.
HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
NO, LISTEN, I-I WENT INTO THE WRONG APARTMENT.
I WAS WAITING FOR CAMPBELL. I HAD THE GOLF CLUB IN MY HAND.
UH, THE GUY WALKED IN AND STARTED FREAKING OUT.
I MEAN, THE GUY WAS A MADMAN.
TRYING TO PROTECT HIS KIDS.
I WASN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING. I WAS JUST TRYING TO...
- MEN USE THEIR HANDS... - JUST LET ME FUCKING FINISH?!
YEAH, WELL, I THINK WE JUST SHOULD PONDER INSANITY
FOR THE TIME BEING, SHALL WE?
[WHISTLE BLOWS] OKAY, BRING IT ON IN!
LET'S TAKE A BLOW, EVERYBODY!
NICE PRACTICE!
GOOD JOB, GUYS!
YO, MORGAN, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
UH... I DON'T KNOW.
DITTO, FROM SCHOOL.
WEASEL JAM.
WHAT?
OH, HEY. UH...
UH, DITTO, WHAT'S... WHAT'S, UH... WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?
IS YOUR... IS YOUR BROTHER PLAYING?
NAH, MAN. I'M JUST TRYING TO MEET WITH LARRY,
TAKE CARE OF THIS BULLSHIT POSSESSION CHARGE.
- OH, COOL. - HEY.
THANKS.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?
- JUST BREAKING AND ENTERING. - YEAH?
AND POSSESSION.
- NICE. - THANKS.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?
AH, SOME MARK-ASS BITCH STEPPED TO ME.
- YEAH? - YEAH.
WORD.
HEY, LISTEN, YOU STILL HANG OUT WITH THAT DUDE NICK?
UM... NO, NOT REALLY.
GOOD.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I DON'T SEE... I DON'T SEE HIM.
OKAY, UH...
IT'S GOOD SEEING YOU, DITTO.
JUST, UH, GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.
- YEAH, YOU TOO, MAN. - OKAY, YEAH.
YO, LARRY! WHAT THE FUCK?!
- [BEEP] - HEY, SWEETIE, IT'S "KAR."
I DIDN'T HEAR FROM YOU YESTERDAY.
JUST WONDERING WHAT'S GOING ON.
YOU KNOW, IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER
IF YOU STILL HAD A CELLPHONE, BUT I GUESS THAT GOES AGAINST
YOUR WHOLE MONASTIC SENSIBILITY OR WHATEVER.
SO, YOUR CAR'S OUTSIDE MY PLACE.
WERE YOU IN JAIL?
FORGET IT. JUST CALL ME BACK.
LOVE YOU. BYE. [BEEP]
[SIGHS]
- HEY, MOM. - HEY, MORGAN.
JUST IN TIME.
FOR WHAT?
DINNER.
- CUNT. - WHAT?
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M TRYING TO GET A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT FOR THE STORE.
THIS LOW-LIFE SON OF A BITCH...
HE KEEPS ASKING ME WHAT SCHOOL I WENT TO!
OKAY, RELAX. I'M NOT ON IT.
JUST LET ME IN HERE. GET IN THERE.
"MIDWOOD FURNISHING...
UNIVERSITY."
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S COOL.
NOT BAD, RIGHT?
SCHOOL'S NOT GONNA BILL ME FOR THIS, ARE THEY?
I DON'T THINK SO.
ALL RIGHT. NOW I WANT TO GOOSE SOMEBODY.
HOW DO I... HOW DO I GOOSE SOMEBODY?
NO, IT'S NOT GOOSE, DAD. IT'S POKE.
YEAH, POKE. I WANT... I WANT TO POKE SOMEBODY.
POKE.
ALL RIGHT. NOW WE'RE TALKING.
I WANT TO POKE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING IN MY BED?
I WOULD ASSUME SLEEPING.
HE SEEMED REALLY TIRED, POOR BOY.
POOR BOY? HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN HERE?
ALL AFTERNOON, BUT HE'S JUST BEEN UPSTAIRS.
OKAY, IS THERE A REASON WHY HE'S HERE?
APPARENTLY, VERONICA'S NEW BOYFRIEND STARTED YELLING.
HE WAS DOING DRUGS.
IT'S UNFAIR WHAT SOME PEOPLE PUT THEIR KIDS THROUGH.
- OH. - DINNER!
- [DOG BARKS] - WOW.
MY MOM AND THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND OF HERS COME HOME,
FIND ME LYING ON THE FLOOR IN MY UNDIES, COVERED IN BLOOD,
WITH A GRAVITY BONG IN THE SINK.
THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S SUPPOSED TO BE A DOCTOR.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS.
FUCKING QUACK THINKS I'M SMOKING METH OR SOMETHING.
[CHUCKLES]
FUCKING BASTARD PRESCRIBES PRESCRIPTION PILLS ALL DAY LONG,
PEDDLES THEM OUT, RIGHT?
GETS PAID HANDSOMELY FOR IT, REVERED BY ALL,
YET I GET KICKED OUT FOR EMPLOYING A NATURAL HIGH,
SELF-MEDICATING.
I'M TAKING BUSINESS AWAY FROM THIS MOTHERFUCKER.
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON HE EVEN FUCKING CARES ABOUT THIS SHIT.
HIPPOCRATIC OATH, INDEED.
[DOG BARKS]
HEY!
- HEY, MORGAN! - YEAH?
NOW I'M IN A TOUGH SPOT, AND YOU'RE WALKING AWAY.
YOU'RE... YOU'RE IN A TOUGH SPOT
FOR THE SAME REASON THAT I'M IN A TOUGH SPOT...
'CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT.
DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT.
- I MEAN, YOU WERE GETTING HIGH. - YEAH, IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW?
[Laughing] YES. YES, IT IS, FUCKING IDIOT!
YEAH, WELL, IT SHOULDN'T BE,
SO DON'T FUCKING THROW STONES, ALL RIGHT?!
YOU KNOW WHAT SHOULD BE AGAINST THE LAW?
SOMEONE WHO'S GOT EVERYTHING...
A FAMILY WHO LOVES THEM, FRIENDS, A DEGREE, HIS HEALTH...
SOMEONE LIKE THAT WHO MOPES AROUND ALL THE TIME
LIKE HE'S GOT FUCKING CANCER.
THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M RIGHT.
AND MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A SAD SACK OF SHIT ALL THE TIME,
KARLA WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FUCKING CAMPBELL FOR THE LAST MONTH...
AND A HALF.
DO IT.
COME ON, DO IT! YOU FUCKING PUSSY.
COME ON!
DO FUCKING SOMETHING, MORGAN.
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
SO, THE PILLOW IS ACTUALLY WRAPPED IN A TOWEL?
COMPLETELY ENCASED, SIR.
WHICH MEANS YOU CAN CLEAN IT.
YES. IT'S REMOVABLE.
LIKE A PILLOWCASE?
KIND OF BUT WITH BUTTONS, VELCRO,
POSSIBLY LACES TO KEEP OUT THE SAND...
WHICHEVER YOU PREFER, REALLY.
IT'S BRILLIANT.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW "BRILLIANT." [CHUCKLES]
NO, IT'S A NEW AND REVOLUTIONARY IDEA.
IT'S LIKE WHAT EINSTEIN SAID.
HE SAID, "I ONLY HAD ONE OR TWO GOOD IDEAS MY ENTIRE LIFE.
THE REST IS PERSISTENCE."
AND THEN WHAT DID HE DO? HE BLEW UP THE ENTIRE WORLD.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO, US TOGETHER... BLOW UP THE WORLD.
THAT'S NICE OF YOU TO SAY.
NOW, TYPICALLY, I KEEP TO THE INTERIOR SIDE OF THE BUSINESS,
BUT THIS BEACH PILLOW...
I MEAN, IT WILL BRING US IN A NEW AND EXCITING DIRECTION.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE'S LIVES MORE COMFORTABLE, YOU KNOW?
SO, THIS IS WHAT YOU TWO HAVE BEEN WORKING ON?
HERE.
BLESS US, O LORD, AND THESE THY GIFTS,
WHICH WE ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM THY BOUNTY,
THROUGH CHRIST OUR LORD. AMEN.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE SEEING THE DOWNSIDE, HERE, PAL.
THEN AGAIN, THAT'S NEVER REALLY BEEN MY STRONG SUIT.
[CHUCKLES]
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
THAT'S PARTICULARLY HARD FOR ME TO DO, MORGAN,
BECAUSE I THINK THIS COULD BE HUGE FOR BOTH OF US, MAN.
DUDE, I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF LEAVING YOU OUT IN THE COLD ON THIS.
AND GIVEN THE RELATIONSHIP ME AND YOUR DAD HAVE DEVELOPED,
I CAN GET YOU BACK ON THE STAFF IN NO TIME, YOU KNOW?
I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT KARLA.
IT MADE ME SICK. IT REALLY DID.
AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU SO BADLY.
LOOK, I TRIED TO TELL YOU, MAN.
WHY DO YOU THINK WE WENT TO CAMPBELL'S HOUSE?
CAMPBELL DIDN'T INVITE US OVER THERE.
I WAS TRYING TO BUST IN AND CATCH HIM IN THE ACT.
I JUST COULDN'T TELL YOU.
YOU WERE IN SUCH A SHITTY MOOD ALREADY, MAN.
I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE IT ANY WORSE, YOU KNOW?
[Sighing] I WAS DUMB.
I WAS WRONG.
I'M SORRY.
[SIGHS]
YOU KNOW, TWO WEEKS AGO, I WENT TO KARLA'S HOUSE.
IT SMELLED AWFUL... LIKE ACTUAL SHIT.
AND SHE WAS SO EMBARRASSED,
SHE MADE ME WALK AROUND THE BLOCK WITH HER.
AND I WASN'T GROSSED OUT OR ANYTHING.
I JUST... IT WAS SO ENDEARING...
IT ACTUALLY MADE ME LOVE HER MORE.
BUT NOW I REALIZE IT WAS CAMPBELL'S SHIT...
...THAT I WAS SMELLING... A BIG PORTERHOUSE BANKER DUMP.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
WITH THE INVESTMENT AND INTEREST.
[LAUGHS]
THE POINT IS, IS... WRITING WAS ON THE WALL.
STREAKED ACROSS THE BOWL.
[BOTH LAUGH]
THERE YOU GO.
YOU CAN KEEP BEING PISSED AT ME
JUST BY MY BEST EFFORTS TO REMEDY IT,
OR YOU CAN JUST GIVE IN TO THE FACT THAT YOU LOVE ME
AND WE CAN GO CELEBRATE MY NEWFOUND EMPLOYMENT.
GUESS WHAT.
THE CARNIES ARE IN TOWN.
YOU KNOW I REALLY AM PISSED AT YOU, NICK. [SIGHS]
YEAH.
BUT YOU BONED THAT BABY IN THE BLACK BATHER,
AND I REALLY LIKED HER, MAN.
FINE.
[UP-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
♪ YOU'RE COMING BACK ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHY I FEEL SO BAD ♪
♪ OH, A PICTURE ALWAYS HURTS MORE THAN WORDS ♪
♪ YOU'RE BORN AT ZERO AND DEAD AT 23 ♪
♪ AIN'T IT FUCKING COLD? ♪
♪ AND THE DIRT COMES FREE ♪
- OHH! - FUCK!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
- IT'S LIKE A 5-OUT-OF-5 DAY. - AH, BOYS, IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG.
- COME ON. - THIS PLACE IS TREMENDOUS.
I KNOW. WE GOT TO GET THOSE ALL-WEEK PASSES, MAN.
- WE'VE GOT TO GET THOSE. - SHIT. THEY HAVE THOSE?
- YEAH. - BULLSHIT.
I'M GONNA BE HERE EVERY DAY UNTIL THEY SHIP OFF.
YOU GOT TO START WORK THIS WEEK, THOUGH, MAN.
- OH, DAMN IT. - YEAH.
- THAT'S RIGHT. - DON'T WORRY, THOUGH.
I THINK THAT SHIT'S ONLY FOR THE MINORS, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!
I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK TO MANAGEMENT ABOUT THAT.
MANAGEMENT, SERIOUSLY?
TEXTBOOK DISCRIMINATION.
- OH, COME ON. - ALL RIGHT?
THERE'S NOT A JURY IN THE FUCKING WORLD THAT...
THEY'RE KIDS, BRO. COME ON, THEY'RE JUST KIDS.
- WHAT? - OH, SHIT.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - IT'S KARLA.
- WHAT? WHERE'S KARLA? - KARLA? WHERE?
- SHE'S WITH CAMPBELL. - SERIOUSLY?
YOU'RE FINE FOR LIKE A FEW MINUTES AT IT,
- AND THEN FUCKING... - NO, NO, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
I'M GONNA BLOW THE ROOF OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKER.
COME ON, YOU CAN'T DO THIS SHIT, MAN...
NOT WITH YOUR TRIAL TOMORROW.
AND I CAN'T GET IN THERE AND PROTECT YOU 'CAUSE I GOT PAROLE.
JUST PUT A PIN IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND LET THE SHIT...
YOU KNOW, THERE'S DITTO.
- OH, MY GOD. - THAT'S DITTO.
DUDE, I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS MEXICAN.
SERIOUSLY?
GIVE ME YOUR SHIRT.
- DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS? - LOOKS ITALIAN.
GIVE ME YOUR SHIRT!
YOU DIDN'T RIGHT THINGS WITH DITTO, DID YOU?
SEE THAT? HOW DID I KNOW THAT?
- FUCK. - FUCK.
SERIOUSLY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D TAKEN CARE OF THIS.
HOW DID I KNOW YOU DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF THIS?
BECAUSE YOU'RE EXTREMELY ASTUTE.
YEAH, YOU ARE.
OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THE TV, ASSHOLE?
THAT WAS MORE LIKE, YOU KNOW, SO HE WOULDN'T KILL ME.
ALL RIGHT, BOOST ME. YOU GUYS, IT'S SPIKY.
YOU GOT TO BOOST ME!
[GRUNTS] SHIT.
♪ I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL GROW ♪
♪ IF WE'LL REAP, REAP JUST WHAT WE SOW ♪
♪ OR KEEP DIGGIN' ♪
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?
YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY.
WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?
HE'S FUCKING HUGE.
[CHUCKLES]
♪ IF YOU EVER NEED A LOVE ♪
[SIGHS]
AH. THIS SONG.
THIS SONG IS ABOUT THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT,
AND WE'RE TWO MIDDLE-CLASS WHITE KIDS FROM THE SUBURBS.
PERSPECTIVE.
- PERSPECTIVE. - PERSPECTIVE.
NO, I GOT THIS ONE.
THANK YOU.
IT'S 8 BUCKS.
THERE YOU GO.
- SIR, WE DON'T TAKE TABS. - FINE. BRING IT RIGHT BACK.
I MEAN NO CREDIT CARDS.
WELL...
- THANK YOU, MORGAN. - YOU'RE WELCOME.
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
- IT'S WEIRD, ISN'T IT? - [CHUCKLES]
I DON'T KNOW A SINGLE PERSON HERE.
- DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. - NO.
GOING TO BUY SOME CIGARETTES.
OH, DO YOU HAVE ANY, UH...
THANK YOU, MORGAN.
- LIKE THIS? - YEAH.
- IT'S FANTASTIC. - OKAY. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
[LAUGHTER]
BLOW JOBS. AWESOME.
UH...[LAUGHS]
OH. BIG FELLA, FUNNY STUFF.
FUNNY STUFF.
- HEY, MIMI. - HEY, MORGAN.
- HEY, BETTY. - KATIE.
KATIE. RIGHT.
HI, ALEX.
- HEY. - HEY, WHERE'S ED?
ED... WENT HOME.
HEY, DON'T LET NICK CRASH MY FUCKING CAR AGAIN, OKAY?
NO PROBLEMS.
OKAY, NO. [SIGHS]
GERONIMO!
- PAY THAT FOR YOU? - I DON'T KNOW.
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
GERONIMO!
HEY. SORRY.
I'M TRYING TO FIGURE THIS THING OUT.
I'M NOT SURE I KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
COULD YOU...
ASK THE BARTENDER.
SO, THAT WAS FUN. HUH?
WHAT?
THE PARTY.
WHICH ONE?
[CHUCKLES] NICK'S?
MIMI'S.
UH, "HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY IN THE WINDOW"?
- ARF-ARF. - RIGHT.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
DO YOU KNOW THAT IT'S BROKEN?
IS THAT WHAT THE BARTENDER IS GONNA TELL ME, THAT IT'S BROKEN?
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN.
DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO TAKE A WALK
AND, YOU KNOW, TALK FOR A SECOND?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT... THIS THING I'M WRITING.
IT'S A NOVEL. I MEAN, IT'S NOT A NOVEL.
IT... IT IS A NOVEL.
I'M KIND OF STUCK IN HERE, SO...
RIGHT. THAT'S WHY I HATE BOOTHS.
NOW, WHEN I HAVE MY OWN BAR, I'M GOING TO ONLY HAVE CHAIRS, SEE?
I'M ASKING YOU. THE INFORMATION I'M GONNA GET
FROM THE BARTENDER... ARE YOU PRIVY TO IT?
'CAUSE I KIND OF FEEL LIKE
MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT PRIVY TO IT, RIGHT?
YEAH?
YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE, BRO.
ALL RIGHT.
- YOU'RE JUST NOT A NICE GUY. - YEAH.
I'M GONNA CALL IT HONEST ABE'S ALEHOUSE
ON ACCOUNT OF NO BOOTHS.
'CAUSE HE WAS ASSASSINATED BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH.
FUCKING ASSHOLE.
"GO ON, MAN. ASK THE BARTENDER."
- JUST GO AWAY, LOSER. - FUCKING SERIOUS?
- GO AWAY. - YOU'RE FAT.
- WHAT A FUCKING LOSER. - DEFINITELY FAT.
- FUCKING LOSER. - DEFINITELY FAT.
DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY FAT.
THE SLOGAN WILL BE, UH,
"COME DO YOUR DRINKIN' IN HONEST ABLE LINCOLN'S..."
NICK'S LOOKING FOR YOU OVER THERE.
"...ALEHOUSE,
"AND, UH, YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING ASSASSINATED
BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH... IN A BOOTH."
I'M GONNA WORK ON THAT.
BUT IT WAS REALLY NICE CHATTING.
OKAY, UH...
SEE YOU... KATIE.
AND, UM, HAVE A WONDERFUL EVENING.
- OH, MY GOD! - OH, MY GOD.
♪ DOWN CAME THE RAIN TO WASH THE SPIDER OUT ♪
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
THAT WAS SO DISGUSTING. IT WAS DISGUSTING.
- THERE YOU ARE. - HERE I AM. [CLEARS THROAT]
HEY, YOU KNOW WHERE I COULD GO ABOUT GETTING SOME CIGARETTES AROUND HERE?
ONE SECOND, BUDDY.
WHAT, THE MACHINE WASN'T WORKING?
YEAH, AND THEN SOME FAT GIRL CALLED ME A LOSER.
WHY'D SHE DO THAT?
PUT OTHERS DOWN TO BUILD HERSELF UP,
SLIM HERSELF DOWN, AS THE CASE MAY BE.
SUPERMARKET ACROSS THE STREET.
- GET ME ANOTHER ONE OF THESE. - I'M GOING.
- WHAT? WE JUST GOT HERE. - SORRY.
[UP-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
THIS IS MY NIGHT.
EVERY NIGHT IS YOUR NIGHT.
[SCOFFS] WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
I'M TRYING TO GET A FUCKING PACK OF CIGARETTES,
AND I'M THE LOSER.
OH! [THUD]
[Muffled] WHO'S FAT NOW? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU.
- AAH! - HUH?
MOTHERFUCKER.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
THAT FUCK CALLED MY GIRLFRIEND FAT.
DON'T FUCKING BE MAD AT ME, MAN.
SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE WEIGHT PROBLEM. HIT HER.
ENOUGH! IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER.
HE TRIED TO BITE ME.
APPARENTLY HE'S GOT THE SAME APPETITE
- AS HIS FATTY GIRLFRIEND. - SHUT THE FUCK UP, NICK!
I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM.
- I'LL KILL YOU. - GO BACK INSIDE, OKAY?
YO, MUSCLE BOY, UGLY'S ONE THING.
TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF AIN'T GONNA HIDE THAT FUPA.
- SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN. - ♪ I BEEN LOOKIN' FOR MY WOMAN ♪
- ♪ GOT SOME TIME, LITTLE GIRL ♪ - JUST GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
GO FUCK YOURSELF... MUSCLE BOY.
- LOOK LIKE A FUCKING GAY BOY. - SHUT THE FUCK UP.
MOTHERFUCKER!
AW, THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
OKAY, TAKE IT EASY, MAN, TAKE IT EASY.
NO, FUCK HIM! I'M NOT A FUCKING LOSER!
NO, YOU'RE NOT. JUST RELAX.
I'M NOT A FUCKING LOSER!
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING LOSER.
WE'RE GONNA CALL YOUR SISTER. SHE'S GONNA COME PICK US UP.
- IT'S GONNA BE FINE. - AW!
I'M ALWAYS FUCKING SHIT UP, NICK.
WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FAILURE, NICK?!
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
WHY'D I SAY WHAT?
TO THE GIRL.
HE CHEAP-SHOTTED ME DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS, YOU FUCKING DICK!
YEAH, BUT COME ON, MAN, IT WASN'T VERY NICE.
FUCK YOU, MAN! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!
I DON'T KNOW, MAN. YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THIS SHIT...
THE SHIT SEEMS TO HAPPEN TO YOU A LOT.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE KING MIDAS,
EXCEPT EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH TURNS TO SHIT.
OH, EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO SHIT, HUH?
HOW ABOUT YOU, MAN?
WHAT HAPPENED WITH ALEX IN THERE, HUH?
HOW'D THAT GO?
WHAT? IT'S FINE. I JUST SAID HI.
OH, YEAH?
DID YOU GIVE HER THE RING? DID YOU PROPOSE?
YOU STRIKE WHILE THE IRON'S HOT?
IT'LL ONLY BE ANOTHER DECADE OR SO
TILL SHE REALIZES WHAT A WASTE OF LIFE YOU ARE!
- OH, WHAT A WASTE OF LIFE I AM?! - YEAH!
THAT IS BIG COMING FROM THE EX-CON.
AT LEAST I GOT A FUCKING EXCUSE, MAN!
WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING EXCUSE, HUH?!
WHERE AM I GONNA GO?! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
I CAN'T GET A FUCKING JOB ON PAROLE! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
BUT YOU... YOU HAD A FUCKING CHANCE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU HAD A CHANCE TO LEAVE THIS TOWN.
BAD TIMING?
YOU GOT INTO THAT SCHOOL IN IOWA.
I SAW THE LETTER.
I WAS HOME EVERY DAY THAT SUMMER WHEN THE MAIL CAME, REMEMBER?
BUT YOU CHOSE TO STAY HERE IN THIS SHIT FUCKING TOWN
FOR THAT STUPID FUCKING CUNT?!
I STAYED HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!
FUCK!
FUCK! BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO TAKE THE RAP FOR YOU!
YOU STUPID ASS.
FUCKING END UP IN THE STREET OR JAIL OR FUCKING DEAD?!
I OUGHT TO HAVE MY GODDAMN HEAD EXAMINED,
BECAUSE [SIGHS] I THREW MY LIFE AWAY, TOO.
[SIGHS]
I CAN'T... I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE, NICK.
I LOVE YOU...
BUT JUST [SIGHS] LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE.
[SOBBING]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
YOU REMEMBER WHAT THOSE KIDS LOOK LIKE?
NO. NO, NO, NO. DON'T DO THAT SHIT, NICK.
YOU REMEMBER WHAT THOSE PILLS DID TO THEM, WHAT I DID TO THEM?
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE GONNA SNORT IT.
BUT THEY DID.
AND I DIDN'T...
I DIDN'T CARE THAT I WENT TO JAIL, YOU KNOW?
FUCKING COUNTY IS A JOKE ANYWAY.
I DIDN'T GRADUATE, AND I MISSED OUT ON THE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE,
AND NONE OF IT MATTERED, YOU KNOW?
BUT SEEING THAT KID THERE [SIGHS] LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED
WITH HIS NOSE RUNNING WITH BLOOD AND HIS EYES ALL CROSSED,
WONDERING WHAT HE'D DONE WRONG...
IT WASN'T... IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT, MAN.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT... I ALWAYS THOUGHT STAYING HERE
WAS GONNA BE LIKE SOME SORT OF A PENANCE, YOU KNOW?
[Voice breaking] LIKE SOMEHOW I DESERVED TO, LIKE,
THROW MY LIFE AWAY.
THAT I DESERVE THAT SHIT.
BUT, MAN, I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE.
GOOD.
YOU SHOULDN'T.
AND I DON'T NEED YOU.
I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOU.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
AW, FUCK.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[HORN HONKS]
[GASPS] WHAT?!
MORNING.
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
HEY.
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M OKAY.
[SIGHS]
GOOD.
[HORN HONKS]
JESUS CHRIST, NICK! I'M UP NOW, I'M UP.
NO, LOOK, LOOK. LOOK.
[HORN HONKING]
[CHUCKLES]
GUESS THEY'RE DEEPER SLEEPERS THAN I AM.
NO.
[HANDS CLAPPING]
- WOW. - YEAH.
WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT IS?
SOMETIMES IT JUST TAKES A HUMAN HAND TO GET YOU MOVING.
WOW.
EITHER THAT OR, LIKE, THE SONIC VIBRATIONS OF THE CLAP
- IS DIFFERENT THAN THE HORN. - OH.
THERE'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS
THAT PROBABLY PLAY INTO IT, BUT I THINK IT'S MOSTLY
THE HUMAN-HAND PORTION THAT GETS THE...
I'M GONNA CALL MIMI, HAVE HER COME PICK US UP.
SHE'S ALREADY ON HER WAY, MAN.
REALLY?
YEAH. I CALLED HER... OH, SHIT, GET DOWN.
- HMM? - GET DOWN, QUICK.
- WHAT THE FUCK? DITTO? - NO. POPO.
WHAT, A COP? WE'LL JUST TELL THEM WE MANGLED OUR KEYS.
NO, NO.
THE WINDOW'S BROKEN, MAN.
IT'S NOT YOUR CAR. IT'S NOT MY CAR.
YOU CAN'T GET IN TROUBLE... NOT TODAY, NOT WITH COURT.
[SIGHS]
FUCK.
JUST STAY CALM, MAN. STAY RELAXED, ALL RIGHT?
NOTHING LOOKS AMISS. HE'LL DRIVE RIGHT BY.
RIGHT.
STAY LOW AND STAY CALM, OKAY?
YEAH, STAY CALM, STAY CALM.
OLD-FASHIONED STARING CONTEST.
[Chuckling] YEAH.
[SIGHS]
IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
- WHAT? NO. - YES.
- NO, DON'T GET UP. - GOT TO GO UP, MAN.
PROMISE ME YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE.
GOT TO LIFT YOUR HEAD. YOU GOT TO GO OUT ON THE END OF THE VINE TO GET THE FRUIT.
- DON'T YOU FUCKING GET UP. - IT'S NOW OR NEVER.
- DON'T YOU FUCKING GET UP, MAN. - MOMENT OF TRUTH.
I SWEAR TO GOD, DON'T YOU FUCKING GET UP.
REMEMBER THE ALAMO, MAN.
A LOT OF GOOD AMERICANS DIED ON THAT DAY.
[SIGHS]
AND A FEW GOOD MEXICANS, TOO.
[GRUNTS]
DON'T.
[TOW-TRUCK RADIO CHATTER]
HE'S BLUFFING. HE'S BLUFFING.
WHO'S BLUFFING? THE COP?
HE'S BLUFFING.
- OH, FUCK. - WHAT THE FUCK?!
I THOUGHT HE WAS BLUFFING.
ALL RIGHT.
[WINCH WHIRRING]
HERE GOES NOTHING.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU
IN A COURT OF LAW. YOU HAVE THE...
OFFICER, YOU ARRIVED, THANK GOD!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUDDY! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
I WAS STARTING TO THINK THAT... HOLY SHIT!
GET YOUR HANDS UP! GET YOUR HANDS UP!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. COME OUT SLOWLY.
COME OUT SLOWLY!
YEAH. OKAY.
SLOW DOWN.
OKAY, YEAH, I'M SLOW, MAN... SLOW AND STEADY.
THAT'S THE KEY.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
YOU... THAT'S NOT HIM.
THAT'S NOT THE GUY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
[SIGHS]
IT'S NICE OF YOU TO SAY, SIR,
BUT I-I KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE.
- WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE? - YEAH, I KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE.
- WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE? - I'VE BEEN BEATEN, MAN.
MY FACE... I'M MANGLED RIGHT NOW.
LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THIS.
LOOK AT MY SHIRT.
IT WASN'T HIM.
HE'S... HE'S RUNNING OFF RIGHT NOW, MAN.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
- JESUS, KID. - YEAH.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
NO! I'M FUCKED UP!
AND YOU SAY IT WASN'T HIM... THIS GUY RIGHT HERE?
NO, THAT'S MY... THAT'S MY BUDDY MORGAN.
NO, HE SAVED MY LIFE.
IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM, I'D BE DEAD.
SWEAR TO GOD. GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.
IS THIS TRUE?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
WHAT DID THIS GUY LOOK LIKE?
UH, A LITTLE GUY.
SMALL.
LITTLE.
- HE WAS, UM... - WHAT WAS HE?
- MUSCULAR. - YEAH.
- REALLY MUSCULAR. - YEAH, MUSCULAR.
YEAH.
THANKS, YOU... I'M GONNA...
[Sighing] OH.
YOU NEED A LIFT TO THE HOSPITAL?
THAT'D BE REAL NICE, OFFICER, BUT I GOT MY SISTER COMING
AND, YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOT MY INSURANCE CARDS
AND EVERYTHING, SO...
ALL RIGHT.
IF WE COULD JUST GET HIM TO LOWER THE...
OH, YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
AH.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
OH, SHOOT.
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
YEAH. YES, OFFICER.
ALL RIGHT. GOOD DAY.
ALL RIGHT.
[GUITAR PLAYS "ASHAMED"]
PUT IT DOWN.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
♪ I AM THE BOY YOUR MOTHER WANTED YOU TO MEET ♪
♪ BUT I AM BROKEN AND TORN WITH HEELS AT MY FEET ♪
♪ AND WITH YOUR PUREST LIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU SHINE ON ME? ♪
♪ WELL, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN ANGEL ♪
♪ BUT I'M TOO DUMB TO SPEAK ♪
♪ NOW AS SHE GETS NEARER, THE VISIONS GET CLEARER ♪
♪ I'M KNEELING, WEEPING, I WILL HOLD HER DEAR ♪
THERE YOU ARE.
WE HAVE TO BE AT THE COURTHOUSE AT 2:00.
OH, JESUS, NICK!
- YOUR FACE! - I KNOW, I'M A SWELLER.
OH!
I HAVE EXTREMELY WEAK WHITE BLOOD CELLS.
♪ OH OH-OH-OH OH OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ OH OH OH-OH-OH OH ♪
OH, I AM SO GLAD YOU'VE DECIDED
TO START UP AGAIN WITH YOUR FATHER.
THIS PILLOW IDEA SOUNDS GREAT.
I THINK IF WE MENTION IT TO THE JUDGE...
- IT'S NOT MY IDEA. - WELL, YOURS AND NICK'S.
YEAH, AND I'M NOT WORKING FOR DAD.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME WITH ME TO MASS,
AND WE'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
MOM, IT'S FUCKING THURSDAY,
AND I'M TIRED OF THINKING ABOUT IT.
♪ BLOODY ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ HIT HIM WITH A BOOK AND HOW HE CRUMBLES ♪
♪ OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HOW THE ARCHES TUMBLED ♪
♪ THEY'RE GOLDEN NO MORE, NOW I'M SMILING IN MY BLOOD ♪
♪ I'M CAUGHT IN A WHIRLWIND, I'M GOIN' TO HEAVEN ♪
♪ I'M STANDIN' ON TRIAL, AND IT'S PAINTED ON CANVAS ♪
♪ AN ETERNAL TESTAMENT TO HOW WE ARE SO ANIMALISTIC ♪
WHOA!
WHOA, HEY, HEY!
- DAD, HEY! - WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT'D I DO?
[Laughing] FORGET IT.
♪ OH OH OH-OH-OH OH ♪
FORGET WHAT?
NEVER MIND.
♪ WHAT A CRYIN' SHAME ♪
YOU GOT SUNSCREEN ON?
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN BURN THROUGH THESE CLOUDS.
[MUSIC STOPS]
YEAH, I HEARD... I HEARD THAT.
WHERE'S NICK?
HE HAD A ROUGH NIGHT. HE'S UPSTAIRS.
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
YOU ALWAYS LIKED NICK, HUH, DAD?
OH, YEAH, HE'S A GOOD KID. HE'S, YOU KNOW, HE'S MOTIVATED.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HIM IN HERE.
HE EATS THE FLOWERS.
WHAT ARE YOU YELLING AT ME FOR? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
HENRY.
MOM, HE'S FINE.
HE'S NOT FINE, MORGAN!
HE GETS IN THE FLOWERS AND RUINS THEM.
BUT, LOOK, HE'S NOWHERE NEAR THE FLOWERS!
[CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK THIS CHURCH THING IS WORKING.
I MEAN, IF YOU'RE GONNA COME BACK LIKE THIS,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT GO.
SHUT UP!
YOU DO NOTHING AROUND HERE, SO JUST SHUT UP!
- GO, GO, FIX IT. - YEAH, GOING.
MOM! HEY!
MOM!
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
HEY. I WAS JUST KIDDING.
- NO. - WHAT?
GET OUT!
MOM?
MOM!
[SOBBING]
MOM!
[Voice breaking] I JUST GOT HERE.
YOU NEVER LEFT.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[DOOR SLAMS] SHIT.
♪ WHAT A CRYIN' SHAME, A CRYIN' SHAME, WHAT WE BECAME ♪
[SIGHS]
♪ I BOW MY HEAD IN THE MORNING LIGHT... ♪
HEY, LOOK.
♪ I HELD HER HAND AND I, I KISSED HER EYES... ♪
[SIGHS] IT'S NICE.
- [CHUCKLES] - IT'S NICE.
LOOK, I GOT TO GO.
♪ ...IN THE FRONT YARD AND DIED ♪
[SIGHS]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ IF YOU KILL A MAN ♪
♪ THEY DON'T LET YOU DRIVE THE HEARSE ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR SPEAKING VOICE, IT'S BUYER'S REMORSE ♪
♪ JUST A PAPER CUT ♪
♪ THAT'S BEEN BLEEDING YOU TO DEATH ♪
♪ IT'S A SACRIFICE ♪
♪ IT'S A MOUNTAIN OF REGRET ♪
♪ LET THEM REST ♪
♪ YOUR HEART AND YOUR HEAD AND YOUR BONES ♪
♪ THERE'S NOTHING LEFT ♪
♪ TO PROVE TO ANYONE YOU KNOW ♪
♪ SAY IT ONCE ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH OOH-OOH ♪
♪ NEVER HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪
♪ IT'S A MESS ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ MAYBE IT'S THE ONLY ONE ♪
♪ LET THEM REST ♪
♪ OOH-OOH OOH-OOH ♪
♪ YOUR HEART AND YOUR HEAD AND YOUR BONES ♪
♪ THERE'S NOTHING LEFT ♪
♪ TO PROVE TO ANYONE YOU KNOW ♪
♪ SAY IT ONCE ♪
♪ NEVER HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪
♪ IT'S A MESS ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ MAYBE IT'S THE ONLY ONE ♪
♪ OOH-OOH OOH OOH-OOH ♪
♪ OOH-OOH OOH OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOH-OOH OOH OOH-OOH ♪
♪ OOH-OOH OOH OOH OOH ♪
IS THIS OUR GUY? IS THIS MORGAN?
YES, YOUR EMINENCE.
I AM HE.
BUT WE'RE ALL MORGAN WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT.
DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF EVERY ONE OF US IS
A MORGAN MIDWOOD FIGHTING FOR WHAT'S RIGHT,
STANDING UP FOR THE LITTLE GUY.
AND THE SHAME OF IT ALL IS THAT OUR EFFORT,
OUR MORGAN-ISM, IF YOU WILL, ISN'T ALWAYS REWARDED.
IN FACT, IT'S OFTEN PUNISHED...
BECAUSE THIS WORLD HAS LOST SIGHT OF THE GOOD AND TRUE.
RIGHT NOW WE'RE MORE CONCERNED WITH THE SEXY AND SELLABLE.
BUT YOU CAN'T SELL HONOR, YOUR HOLINESS,
AND YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH CHARACTER,
AND THAT'S MORGAN MIDWOOD DOWN TO THE BONE.
THAT'S YOU AND ME AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU
AND ALL OF US AT OUR VERY BEST.
BUT BECAUSE OF OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS,
BECAUSE OF OUR... OUR FAITH, OUR INNOCENCE,
WE'RE VICTIMIZED.
YOU SEE, MORGAN DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HE WAS WALKING INTO THAT DAY, MY... MY LIEGE.
HE THOUGHT IT WAS SOME OTHER SHITSUCKER'S APARTMENT.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
THANKS.
NO PROBLEM, PAL.
OH!
[CLATTER]
GLAD THERE'S NO PROBLEM.
THEN AGAIN...
DID OUR BLACK BRETHREN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE IN FOR
WHEN THEY CLIMBED ABOARD THOSE BIG BOATS SO LONG AGO?
UGH!
WHEW!
THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GONNA BEAT 'EM, MORG.
THEY KEEP UNDERESTIMATING YOU.
[KNOCKS ON WINDOW]
HEY.
[SIGHS]
WH... HAVE YOU BEEN INSIDE?
YEAH, I JUST, UH, I JUST GRABBED MY KEYS.
[CHUCKLES]
WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN.
I'M GONNA GO.
IS THIS IT?
NO.
NO, THIS... THIS ISN'T IT.
I DON'T GET IT. [CHUCKLES]
YEAH, SEE, I DIDN'T GET IT EITHER, BUT...
I THINK I'M STARTING TO GET AN IDEA.
TAKE CARE, KARLA.
WAIT. I-I'M SORRY.
OKAY? [SIGHS]
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT TO YOU.
YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T DO THAT TO ME.
YOU DID THAT TO THE HALF A MAN THAT I...
RIGHT, OKAY.
UM, WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW.
I WAS WRONG,
AND I HAVE REALIZED THAT THESE PAST FEW DAYS.
I MISS YOU... MORGAN.
[CHUCKLES]
I WANT YOU BACK... WHOEVER YOU ARE.
WELL, WHAT... WHAT ABOUT CAMPBELL?
[SIGHS] CAMPBELL DOESN'T MATTER.
[SCOFFS]
[SIGHS]
KARLA...
I THINK HEAVEN'S MISSING AN ANGEL.
AND YOU PROBABLY HAVE HER STUFFED IN YOUR FUCKING CLOSET.
[SEATBELT CLICKS]
[Muffled] MORGAN?
[GULLS CRYING, WAVES CRASHING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
AND THIS IS JUST THE PROTOTYPE.
I MADE THIS BABY WITH MY BARE PAWS.
JUST GIVING YOU THE GOD'S HONEST.
BUT WE GOT THE FACTORY ROLLING THEM OUT RIGHT NOW.
ONE WEEK, 10 DAYS, TOPS, THESE BABIES SHOULD BE IN STOCK.
- 10 DAYS? - TOPS.
AND WE CAN PERSONALIZE THIS TO MEET YOUR EVERY DESIRE.
SO, IT'S BASICALLY, UH, COVERED IN TERRY CLOTH?
[Chuckling] NO. COMMON MISTAKE.
THIS IS ENTIRELY BEACH TOWEL.
[CHUCKLES]
I THOUGHT IT WAS THE SAME THING.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
HEY, UH, EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND, YEAH?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. CHECK IT OUT. ENJOY.
I LIKE YOUR SETUP HERE.
- YEAH? - YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S MY IDEA. IT'S MY BABY.
IT'S GREAT.
IT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I WASN'T WORKING,
EXCEPT FOR I GET TO TALK TO PEOPLE BESIDES ED.
[CHUCKLES]
SO, YOU THINK YOU'LL BE INTO DOING THIS EVERY DAY?
BIG-TIME.
BESIDES, THE WEEKEND'S NOT THAT COOL
WHEN EVERY DAY IS A SUNDAY, YOU KNOW?
HEY... THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID.
AH. [CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, I WAS PLANNING ON GIVING
THIS WHOLE GRANDIOSE SPEECH
ABOUT THE SOCIOPOLITICAL INEQUITIES OF THE SYSTEM,
BUT THAT GUY FROM THE APARTMENT RECOGNIZED ME
AND FORM-TACKLED ME.
[BOTH LAUGH]
SO I CAME CLEAN.
AND, MAN, IT WAS WEIRD.
EVERYONE STARTED FEELING SORRY FOR ME,
AND FAMILY DROPPED ALL THE CHARGES.
I THINK THAT DUDE WANTS TO BE MY FOSTER DAD NOW.
[CHUCKLES]
IT'S FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS.
YEAH, YEAH.
[SIGHS]
YOU GONNA BE OKAY?
YEAH, YOU KNOW... IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP.
- YO! - YO!
[SNAPPING FINGERS] FORGETTING SOMETHING?
FEELING A LITTLE LIGHT.
OH.
IT'S GOOD.
THANK YOU.
I'M VERY FUNNY.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
THANK YOU AGAIN, SIR.
YOU KIND OF LEFT ME HANGING, THOUGH,
ALTHOUGH I THINK WE ADDED
A COUPLE GOOD PAGES THE OTHER DAY.
I THINK WE DID.
SO... WHAT NOW?
NOW I WRITE THE REST.
BYE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, OKAY.
[SIGHS]
HEY.
[CHUCKLES]
- [SIGHS] - IT'S COMFORTABLE. RIGHT?
HOW'D YOU COME UP WITH THIS IDEA?
WELL, LIKE ANY GREAT IDEA, SIR, IT WAS SPAWNED FROM NECESSITY...
NECESSITY, CONVENIENCE, COMFORT.
OH, I LOST MY PALM TREE.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
♪ I DON'T SAY MUCH ♪
♪ YOU TELL ME THAT IT'S NOT ENOUGH ♪
♪ YOU SAY "OKAY" AT THE END OF EVERY DAY ♪
♪ WELL, I CAN'T TALK ♪
♪ UNTIL I LOSE A LITTLE LUCK ♪
♪ LET'S TALK ABOUT MY DAY ♪
♪ I'D DO IT IF I COULD ♪
♪ WHATEVER COMES ♪
♪ WHATEVER COMES OUR WAY ♪
♪ WHATEVER COMES ♪
♪ WHATEVER COMES OUR WAY ♪
♪ WHATEVER COMES ♪
♪ WHATEVER COMES OUR WAY ♪
SUBTITLES BY EXPLOSIVESKULL
♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ IF WE'LL GROW ♪
♪ IF WE'LL REAP, REAP JUST WHAT WE SOW ♪
♪ BUT KEEP DIGGING ♪
♪ JUST KEEP DIGGING ♪
♪ AND CHANGE YOUR GROUND ♪
♪ WHEN YOU WANT TO ♪
♪ BURY YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ JUST KNOW THAT YOU'RE HIDING GOD'S FACE ♪
♪ WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE ♪
♪ YOU'D RATHER BE DEAD ♪
♪ OH, REMEMBER YOU'RE YOUR OWN SAVING GRACE ♪
♪ WELL, I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ IF WE'LL GROW ♪
♪ IF WE'LL REAP, REAP JUST WHAT WE SOW ♪
♪ BUT KEEP DIGGING ♪
♪ JUST KEEP DIGGING ♪
♪ AND CHANGE YOUR GROUND ♪
♪ CHANGE YOUR GROUND ♪